Okay. I don’t really want to talk about the obvious egregious things that happen on the subway (see: nail clipping – the fuck?; any food consumption except maybe skittles, don’t ask me why they’re okay but they are, ditto starburst;  the leg spread (trust me, we think the opposite about your nethers than you hope and promise you don’t need that much room because often we are the same height and I fit just fine in one seat); the doorway stand (I know you see the space in the middle just like I do); the pole hog (okay, I might do this a little bit), and the backpacks. oy, the backpacks).

But here are things that have I have seen/experienced that warrant a post.

1. Eating an ice cream cone. I know I said I wasn’t going to talk about food, but like…what? How does someone make the choice to lick an open-faced, wet surface in a closed, germ-infested environ? I saw this for the first time ever yesterday. Felt maybe like a new low.

2. Sleeveless items (and I wear them – big fan, but you need to know your armpit space aka the personal space your armpit violates when raised). If you are wearing anything of the sleeveless variety a) do not lift your arm to fix your hair/hold on/for any reason and have it directly near my face/nose/hair.  I do not want your armpit region near my cranial region. Just a fact. I wish this was obvious. b) for the love of god DO NOT STAND OVER ME AND DRIP YOUR SWEAT ONTO ME. This actually happened to me. Was sitting reading and I felt a droplet of wet on my leg. The kind that makes you look up and wonder if it’s raining. ONLY I WAS ON THE SUBWAY. Gent holding arm up above me was dripping sweat. Onto my person.

3. Shelling sunflower seeds. Dude s). Are you really putting the seed into your mouth, shelling it and SPITTING the remnants onto the subway floor? Yes, yes you are.

4. Playing video games. I’m totally fine if you play them, but there is a mute button. Please use.  And if it is your child playing, teach him early (note: have never seen a girl do this unless doting on her boyfriend and feigning interest) to do so quietly.

5. Coughing. People cough, I get this. I’m okay with it (ish). I’m not a complete lunatic (spouse would chime in, “oh, you are. but not about this.” Except he might say I am about this. I digress). But must you cough either without covering mouth or directly into your hand and then immediately hold the pole? At least give it a second so I don’t automatically list the possible viruses I will now catch as I am also holding that same pole. I don’t think I’m *that* germaphobic (I mean, I take the subway and have two children) and I realize I made it through the 1970s/80s without catching the plague and/or Purell. But how do you still not know to cough into your elbow? Six year-old boy child knows this.

6. The “oblivious” white man. Yo. I was pregnant twice and NO WHITE MAN ever gave me his seat (I am white in case anyone didn’t know that.). It was the ladies and men of color. Why? because they pay attention and are gentlemanly/empathetic. The white folk are “reading” and “don’t notice.” (I know this because while with child, I asked them to get up. I took a little joy in this activity. File under: Will get my ass kicked one day).