Aah, sleepaway camp. Such a different experience as a kid than as a parent. As I kid I reveled in the independence; no one telling me “get your hair off your face” or “did you brush your teeth” or “do you really want seconds?” Instead, I ate pancakes for breakfast as often as possible, swam in the lake daily, showered once a week (that’s what we were allowed. Keep in mind this was circa 1981. Keep in mind I find this horrifying now), and was told to add salt to my food on the hottest days. At camp, I got to celebrate my birthday on the actual day (in August) rather than some faux celebration in May with school friends. I also slow-danced to Hey Jude (always the last song), became an even bigger Michael Jackson fan after getting his tape called “Thriller” as a birthday present, and broke more rules than I ever had before…or ever have since.

It is not the same as a parent of a camper, people. There’s a pre- and post- kid leaving situation happening, so allow me to take you through.

Pr-departure:

1. Print out camp list with required/suggested items that she will need at least 2 months in advance. Make sure you have all items on list including “you may want…” suggestions (incidentally, this included purchasing a 12-pack of bandanas. 10 of them are in her closet at home)
2. Carefully label all clothes/shampoos and trinkets (as an aside, putting name labels on socks is thankless. Those bad-boys came off many times before I actually shipped her clothes. Yes, today you ship clothes ahead of time for another 300 Gs. Lean in, people, lean in.)
3. Debate the merits of ordering “cheap” black duffles versus “fancier” colored/patterned duffles. Go with option 1 and then notice that someone on the camp bus has the cute version. Fear you have done child actual harm. Also wonder how this person is getting away with not shipping luggage ahead of time
4. Ask fellow parents with sleepaway experience if there’s anything you might be forgetting even though you have gone through aforementioned list 20-30 times. Find  yourself buying something called “Showaflops”
5. Panic after you have sent luggage when a friend mentions the”egg crate” she bought for her kid.  Weigh pros/cons of figuring out WTF this is and whether your child will be the only camper without it
6. Feel proud for remembering to buy stamps to send with child
7. Feel grateful to friends/siblings who understand the merits/necessity of having stationary at camp because your version of this is sending kid with paper from the home printer (and stamps!)
8. Stress you picked wrong camp
9. Stress you should have sent her for full summer/second session instead of 1st
10. Stress kid will get Lyme disease or some other “country” ailment

Post-departure:

1. Weep at the thought of spending the next 4 weeks without her
2. Weep at the thought of her missing you
3. Weep at the thought of her not missing you
4. Schedule allowed phone call and make sure calendar is free for at least an hour before and two hours after scheduled time even though phone call is to last 10 minutes
5. Console younger child who says things like “I’m sad/all alone/I miss her so much/What will I do without her/I have no one to play with or do things with.” (Note: Said child was refusing to play with older sister while maybe screaming “I hate you” at various times over the previous week. Also note: You do not offer up yourself as a playmate for child but do debate throwing your husband under the bus as “play” companion)
6. Check camp photos before bus has actually arrived at camp. Refresh camp photos as if checking email for college/Kindergarten acceptances. Wonder how your parents got through the summer without online photos
7. Notice your kid is never fucking wearing her hair in a pony tail/up/off her face
8. Notice your kid is not wearing a (carefully labeled) sweatshirt when all the other girls are and clearly she must be cold
9. Analyze every facial expression in any picture where you can actually see her face
10. Are pleased to see that at the very least she doesn’t have a sunburn
11. Ask doorman if mail has arrived every time you enter/exit the building
12. Debate whether it’s ethical/fair/okay to open letter to sibling which is first piece of communication you receive. Rip open the letter 8 seconds later
13. Wonder why letters to brother/father say “I love and miss you” while your letter says, “I need x, y, and z.” Apparently your child is the only one who didn’t bring her emoji pillow even though you suggested she bring her emoji pillow. Wonder if her comment that “I got four letters when I came here” is with a grateful or “tone it down” intent.
14. Hit refresh on the camp photos
15. Hit refresh on the camp photos