In the early morning hours when I was unfortunately still awake, Donald Trump was re-elected.

I have no interest in figuring out “what went wrong.” We have had two capable, smart women run against this guy, the second of whom ran the fiercest and best social media campaign I think I’ve ever seen (kudos Gen Z, you’re hired). We know what went wrong. If this isn’t a bro culture, I really don’t know what is.

What really gets me – sparked from a text I got at 3 am from my kid in college that read “I’m depressed and teary. I just wanted to hug you all night” – is, what do we tell the kids? As a parent, your go-to is to reassure, to protect, to tell them it will be okay. This is more complicated than that. I’ve spent a chunk of today discussing how we approach this feeling of despair with our kids among various groups of friends. One shared a note he gave his son in 2016:

While I absolutely love the message here, I can’t say with any sort of confidence that our country won’t fall apart. I think it might. But that attitude gets me nowhere. I refuse to tell my kids that I’m counting America out. Here’s what I’ve decided to tell them instead. I’d love to hear what you’re telling yours.

1. Effect change by doing what you love. I don’t mean at the sacrifice of others. I don’t mean ace or be aced (though also, absolutely ace or be aced). What I do mean is that there are myriad ways to generate change: Politics is just one of them. You can make a difference in this world in other ways. Let’s say you want to study psychology: Great, go do that. Will you impact the country? Maybe not. But you’ll impact individuals, and that’s important too. Art is your thing?  Paint away and bring a little beauty into the world that was not there before. Not all change has to be mighty.
2. There are lots of good people in this country. This morning, I watched a video of a bunch of people at a football game banding together to help create a landing pad for a cat who was dangling off the side of an upper tier (s’up my fellow cat ladies). Was it schmaltzy? Yes. Did it give me a small jolt of joy? Also yes. So, don’t close yourself off. Mentors and friends come in unexpected ways in unexpected forms. Be open to them. In my 20s, I spent two years living in L.A next door to a woman in her late 70s who was constantly calling me to ask if I wanted to use her parking space instead of my own. I found her a little annoying. But guess what? She was the person who came knocking on my door on 9/11 to see if my family had been hurt. She was the one who ended up taking care of my cat when I was out of town and couldn’t find anyone else. You never know what someone might do for you and what you might be able to do for them. 
3. Celebrate small joys. Embrace the endorphin kick from a test you aced, from finishing a crossword puzzle, from the smell of rain. Look for stars on a clear night. Surprise your friend with flowers. These are small joys that can make today and these days to come a little bit better.
4. Don’t give up. The world is an enormous place, and sometimes change comes more slowly than we want. You have time. Your actions matter.

As the wonderful Maya Angelou said, “we may encounter many defeats but we must not be defeated.” Let’s go.