Today is my 10th anniversary which means I still haven’t been married as long as my divorced parents (they made it to 13.7 years). This feels unfair as it takes away from the gravitas of the decade mark. But here I am. I can’t help telling my husband “wait, you took my 30s” to which he says things like “only 10 years? But it feels so much longer.” We’re romantic like that.

Anyway, now that I have these 10 years behind me, I feel it is my right to give unsolicited advice. Here is what I’ve learned in 10 years:

1. We look a hell of a lot older than we did in our wedding pictures.

2. His sneeze which once sounded kind of manly and self-assured to me (really, I thought that) now requires me to close as many doors between me/him scream-sneezing as I can. I may have also yelled “UGH” or “Ay, with the loud” from time to time.

3. The first year was the hardest. I did not have that newlywed bliss — starting on my honeymoon when spouse got “food poisoning” (quotation marks necessary) on plane and I spent first day and half wandering Rio on my own and feeling sorry for myself (did not feel remotely sorry for him, incidentally). The rest of the year was no joyride either; It did not help that I was pregnant for 8 of those first 12 months. It was a low point when I cried outside Fairway because I was too overwhelmed by the choices in front of me (how the hell should I know what I want for lunch or what fruit to buy?) but a slightly higher point when husband went in and dealt for me.

4. Just because you debate the seemingly endless virtues leaving spouse when you have a 3 month old baby doesn’t mean you should do that. You will be happy (some months/years later) that you didn’t.

5. The last year – or two or three – have been the best. That’s when you start accepting the man for the man. That he really gets you. That he will reassure you that you don’t have MS or spinal cancer or salmonella every time you ask (which may or may not be daily). That he actually loves your kids as much as you do. That he is a good guy even though you feel homicidal from time to time.  That god love him, he will never be the tidy/organized guy you dated. He will change the toilet paper once out of every 20 times (leaving empty roll conveniently on sink counter), put 3/4 of the dishes in the dishwasher (claiming not to see the remaining 1/4) and leave stubble in the sink. He may also leave closet doors wide open, blaming the domesticated animals for the grievance (he actually one said, “I closed it all the way, the cat must have opened it somehow.”).

6. While you may not feel the heart-beaty fluttery feeling ever again, it sure is nice to have someone love you no matter what. He will touch your lower back just like you like it and tell you you smell good when you know you don’t. He will pretend not to notice that your body is changing. He will take your hand and kiss it when you aren’t expecting it.

And that is all. If you thought I was going to do 10 things for 10 years…not so much.