First, a quick-shout out and intense moment of gratitude that my children are back in school. Dear god, THANK YOU, wasn’t sure I was going to make it.

Back to the topic. I like to make me a solid new year’s resolution come January 1, but I am of the mind that a resolution needs to fall into the camp of “actually doable”(AD) and not “never going to happen in this lifetime” (let’s just call it NGH). If you lack awareness about your limitations or have convinced yourself you are indeed capable of dramatic change that you have yet to accomplish by, say, your mid 30s, hopefully this post will help you. You can test whether a resolution falls into the NGH camp by gauging friends’ reactions when you tell them your resolution. If they smile and nod encouragingly without any sort of comment other than “oh, that’s good,” you, my friend, have made an NGH resolution. When you hear things like “ooh, I like that one” or “maybe I should do that!” Then? AD. #Nicelydone.

For example, I don’t make resolutions to be more patient because I realize that if I am not patient at 44, it’s not in my future, and so resolving to do so is really just setting myself up for failure. Another example of an NGH resolution for me: Be more fun as a parent. Like it or not, I am not the fun-maker in my family. I may actually be the fun-killer, like  let-me-see-how- quickly-I-can-wipe-that-joy-off-your-face type. I am not goofy or silly (nor do I want to be) and “pretend play” may have been my own personal hell. One time when my daughter was maybe 5, we saw a family board the subway. The dad was with the son who was in a stroller and the mom and her clone of a daughter sat down across from us. The daughter was 9 or 10 and she and her mother were giggling and whispering. After watching them with wide (perhaps jealous) eyes for a while, my own lass turned to me and said, “I think that’s that girl’s aunt.”  I said, “why?” incredulously because, again, they looked like different-aged identical twins, and my kid said, “because they’re having so much fun!” This was apparently not her experience with mothering. Ergo I do not resolve to be a more fun parent. It’s not in me. I’m okay with that.

I sometimes slip. It’s easy to go NGH on everyone’s ass because let’s face it, we are all hopeful. And delusional. A couple of years ago,  having just read The Silver Linings Playbook (which is, incidentally, so much better than the movie), I glommed onto the protagonist’s mantra which was “it is better to be kind than be right.” Wow, I thought at the time, that is a seriously deep and beautiful idea that sounds AD if I inwardly repeat it to myself the next time I’m ready to have words with a stranger who is occupying the entirety of a pole on the subway.  Or, say, with my spouse on any given evening.  I was so confident that this concept was AD and not NGH that I even talked about it with other people who looked at me with that glazed over eye/fake smile face I alluded to above. That should have tipped me off, but instead, their facial expressions made me think they had not reached the same kumbaya place I had. I felt sorry for them.

Turns out, I really like being right. Especially when it comes to my spouse. So, gave up on that one around February 5th of that year.

So, what’s an example of AD you may be wondering? I have made two resolutions I can think of that I truly kept, and by “kept” I mean the change has been permanent and has lasted year after year. The first was to actually read The New Yorker that was arriving at my home each week (via a subscription my mother purchased – in my kid’s name no less – because “No grandchild of mine will grow up in a home without The New Yorker.”) I was pleasantly surprised – having snubbed its pretentious ass for my entire life up until that point – that it’s actually really good. The other was to read the NYT book review every week. Done.

But I’m human and I’m down with improving myself, so even though I eschew these NGH official resolutions, I do think about littler changes (as opposed to resolutions) I can make. These tend to hover in a no-mans land but really, when push comes to shove and they have to choose a team, they are also NGH. Still, I persist. A few examples:

1. Stop weighing myself every day because what the fuck. Check in: Weighed myself New Year’s day morning, with the justification that I wanted a good barometer for the year. Luckily, I was on the low end of my 3 lb weight range and that has meant I have not gotten on scale since.
2. One drink/day max. Check in: The kids were still home for 3 of those days.   
3. Try not to get so ruffled by younger child’s dramatic mood swings. Check-in: Lost shit Joan Crawford/wire-hangers style on January 2nd. Will spare you details.
4. Don’t answer “ye-es” in an annoyed fashion when offspring say my name the approximately 30 times/hour that is their current average. Check-in: Succeed 11 out of 30 times.
5. Stop eating mini Oreos every night even though deep-down I know they are less caloric because they are mini. Check-in: Switched to dark chocolate. But still have 2 full bags of the minis and it would obviously be kind of wasteful not to finish them, or so I reasoned on 1/3.

Now, my actual resolution? Write down one thing that makes me happy every day. And that, people, I have done every one of the past four days. #Actuallydoable.